I.
I made a mix for my brother for his seventh birthday[1]. On the plus side, there is only one dirty word. On the downside, it is the dirty word "motherfuckin'".
On the other plus side, the oath in question appears in the Tenacious D song "Tribute", where it is sung quickly. Also, it is immediately followed by the transcendent part where Jack goes "The greatest song in the world, awwwww rah-- di! tsu-gi-du-gi-du di! gu-gu-flee-gu-gi-gu, gu-flee-gu-gi-gu, guh-gi-iiii!" and Kyle goes "ah! ah! ah! ah-ahhh... ah, ah!"[2]
II.
I went all the way until last week without saying a swear word during a class. But on Wednesday, i was working at a Christian school, and towards the end of the lesson i said, "And if anyone gets a checkmate, ohmigod, i'll be so excited."
As soon as i said it, i realized my error, and several kids in the front row looked slightly horrified.
"Ok, i know, i said a bad word. I'm sorry," i asserted quickly. So now there were theatrical gasps and all manner of tongue-clackery.
"All right, all right, i already apologized, it was an accident."
So then a kid in the back raises his hand and calls out, "I forgive you!" And pretty soon, i was being forgiven by an entire roomful of 7 year-olds.
I think Jesus would be proud.
[2] If you haven't listened to this part ninety times in a row trying to transcribe it, you should probably try it.
After "The Amazing Race" tonight (good job yielding the girls, Lake and Michelle, you stupid bastards), the local news had a piece about Latinos going to college. One girl talked about how all her hard work to line up scholarships and get into a university was paying off and "opening a lot of doors". As she said this, they cut to some footage of her opening a classroom door.
"Hey," i said, "she's talking about opening doors, and there she is opening a door. It's like there's a metaphorical door and also a literal door."
We all rolled our eyes as they started talking about a Latina who is a senior at UNLV and about to graduate. She talked about the steps she was taking to get a good job after she got her diploma, as they showed her WALKING UP SOME STEPS.
And then the weatherman responded to anchor Dave Courvoisier's lame transition by explaining that the streets probably would, in fact, remain wet for the morning commute tomorrow "if it keeps raining like it is right now. Also, you are named after a type of booze, Dave."